Catch Up

See I warned that I probably wouldn't be very good at keeping up with this blog. Or maybe because I said that I doomed myself...who knows. It has been a couple months, and a lot has happened. I feel that our lives are completely different since that last post. (I may be exaggerating a tad) Big changes happened, and we have certain members of our family who don't handle change very well.

If I recall correctly on one of my past posts, I mentioned that we were unsure about Carter's school situation, that things weren't going as well as we had hoped. Well, we decided after a really bad week, that the best place for Carter was at home. So we pulled him out of school and started him with on-line school. It was a heart-breaking, gut retching experience. I think I cried for a week straight. Carter, of course took it the hardest. It was the best thing for him. He is happier, filled with less anxiety, has had better social interactions. But doing school at home is a daily struggle, some days are better than others, but it is still hard. I have come to see how smart my boy is, and how I am not equipped to teach him. Through the grace of the Lord, Carter got into a Charter school that we feel really good about, that is pro-active about his needs, for First Grade. This was a HUGE weight off our shoulders. And Carter is excited to go. Another path that we are starting.

Then in February, the company my husband was working for went out of business. He lost his job. Now we have been here before. There is fear, anxiety, stress, anger all wrapped up into this experience. Phil actually handled it pretty well. Carter was a little sad, but also happy because daddy was home! Me, it depended on the day. We saw many miracles during this time. Not only did Phil and I grow Spiritually, but there were sweet tender moments that Carter experience. Our prayers were heard. We felt the prayers of others around us. Phil found a really good job a week and a half later. Like I said we saw miracles. Our family has been going through this transition stage. I am not sure if we have found our grounding yet. Changes are still happening in our lives. Not ground shaking, but still change is change: Landon turned one (ONE!!), Carter lost his first tooth, we have re-organized our place, Phil was released as the Young Men Stake Secretary and then called as the Second Consoler in the Young Men and assistance Scout Master. We have been actively been seeking to have structure in our lives, so that as a family and individually we can thrive.

 Life is a journey. Always changing, always learning. I have been learning a lot more about myself as I have grown, than I think I ever did as a kid/teenager/young adult. Every day may be a battle, but I have the greatest support system. I really do. And I think most of us, would agree. There are people who are always there, whenever we need them. For my people, I am grateful. I have no idea what the Lord has in store for me and my favorite people, but He has blessed me with the best people possible to help on my journey. So there it is folks, the happenings of our lives the past few months. Hopefully I will be able to keep up with this blog, it is therapeutic, and nice to have an outlet for the ramblings in my brain. So we shall see.

Life is a Journey.

Wow, it has been a month since my last post...I am slacking here. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! December went by way too fast, and was way too stressful for me. Carter was struggling socially in school, he started medication, Phil and Landon both got sick. We had to take Landon to the Dr. office on Christmas Eve, and then to the ER early Christmas morning. Fun stuff I tell ya. ( Landon is doing much much better.) But this month is while still stressful, (my lack of working brain cells makes things worse) things are getting better. Carter is trying his second dosage of medication (it is a process, one that could be long and stressful), he has also been approved for a social worker to work with him at school for his social skills, (a MAJOR yay!!). This year our goal is to get organized. To organize our time, organize our thoughts, organize our house. Simplify is going to be our motto.

I realized today, as we were traveling home from a therapy appointment, that stress will always be apart of my life. Life will never be easy. I need to get use to a lot of stress in my life, because let's be honest I will probably always have a high level of stress in my life. It is the life I have blessed with, and I honestly wouldn't change it. But I do need to handle my stress better. I have learned that I stress eat...yay! I rely on the Lord, every second, to help me through the day. To get us to bed time. But I am learning that I need to rely on Him, for answers, for solutions, for hope and to help me find happiness. Happiness/joy combats the effect of stress. I need to get back into my hobbies, doing things that I enjoy to do. My wonderful husband and parents bought me a Cricut Explore for Christmas. It is pretty amazing. It is one piece of equipment that will help me with craft hobby. I need to start getting back into cooking and baking...trying new things, planning out meals, having fun with it. I need to get back into sewing. I don't want to sound like I need to be constantly busy and always engaged in something. But I need to turn to these things more, as an outlet. And reading. I am behind on my reading.

I love my family. I love the life that I have been blessed with. There are many great, and wonderful things that I get to enjoy. I am sorry if this post has been whiny. Venting is always a good thing, in my opinion. Life is a journey. And I hope to be able to start sharing the fun and less stressful side of my journey.

A Post Long Past Due.

   
     Ok, here it is. My post on ADHD. The reason why I am so driven to write this post is to promote understanding. ADHD has been a part of my life for almost 9 years. It has been a part of my husband's life for 31 years. It has been a part of my son's life for 5 years. I had heard people say that ADHD is just a lack of discipline. I have heard that the reason why my son is the way he is, is due to how my husband played with him as a child. My son has been yelled at and demeaned in public, by a complete stranger when he was 3. My son has been mistreated, "written off", demeaned, talked down to, bullied and practically loathed by countless adults in his short little life. My husband has a similar story to tell. Nothing will get you on my black list than to treat my family in said manner. Ok, my little rant is over. ADHD is considered to be an invisible mental illness. Which means, looking at my son or husband you would never know that they have ADHD, and therefore they are automatically held to a standard that they are unable to meet. The tricky part of ADHD is that there isn't a cure all. It doesn't affect everyone the same. My husband experiences some different and some similar symptoms than my son. When my husband was 5, he was diagnosed with ADHD because he was failing in school. He went from failing grades to passing grades once he was diagnosed and put on medication. My son, he is passing, in fact when he took his assessment test at the end of the term, he passed every thing with flying colors. My son is very smart, and that is what is getting him through Kindergarten. We may see a decline in his grades when he is forced to focus on learning, only time will tell.

 Ok so what is ADHD. I am going to make it easy, and copy and paste from the NIMH website.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is one of the most common childhood disorders and can continue through adolescence and adulthood. Symptoms include difficulty staying focused and paying attention, difficulty controlling behavior, and hyperactivity (over-activity).

ADHD has three subtypes:

• Predominantly hyperactive-impulsive
  • Most symptoms (six or more) are in the hyperactivity-impulsivity categories.
  • Fewer than six symptoms of inattention are present, although inattention may still be present to some degree.

• Predominantly inattentive
  • The majority of symptoms (six or more) are in the inattention category and fewer than six symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present, although hyperactivity-impulsivity may still be present to some degree.
  • Children with this subtype are less likely to act out or have difficulties getting along with other children. They may sit quietly, but they are not paying attention to what they are doing. Therefore, the child may be overlooked, and parents and teachers may not notice that he or she has ADHD.

• Combined hyperactive-impulsive and inattentive
  • Six or more symptoms of inattention and six or more symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity are present.
  • Most children have the combined type of ADHD.
  • 
    

Children who have symptoms of inattention may:

• Be easily distracted, miss details, forget things, and frequently switch from one activity to another
• Have difficulty focusing on one thing
• Become bored with a task after only a few minutes, unless they are doing something enjoyable
• Have difficulty focusing attention on organizing and completing a task or learning something new
• Have trouble completing or turning in homework assignments, often losing things (e.g., pencils, toys, assignments) needed to complete tasks or activities
• Not seem to listen when spoken to
• Daydream, become easily confused, and move slowly
• Have difficulty processing information as quickly and accurately as others
• Struggle to follow instructions.

Children who have symptoms of hyperactivity may:

• Fidget and squirm in their seats
• Talk nonstop
• Dash around, touching or playing with anything and everything in sight
• Have trouble sitting still during dinner, school, and story time
• Be constantly in motion
• Have difficulty doing quiet tasks or activities.

Children who have symptoms of impulsivity may:

• Be very impatient
• Blurt out inappropriate comments, show their emotions without restraint, and act without regard for consequences
• Have difficulty waiting for things they want or waiting their turns in games
• Often interrupt conversations or others' activities.

What Causes ADHD? Here are some of the theory's on what may be the cause. I have read a study that said a parent with ADHD has a 60% of their children having it as well. That is why we have been vigilant at watching our oldest for the signs of ADHD, because we knew he was at greater risk for having it. And we will do the same for our youngest. 

Genes. Results from several international studies of twins show that ADHD often runs in families. Researchers are looking at several genes that may make people more likely to develop the disorder. Knowing the genes involved may one day help researchers prevent the disorder before symptoms develop. Learning about specific genes could also lead to better treatments.

Children with ADHD who carry a particular version of a certain gene have thinner brain tissue in the areas of the brain associated with attention. This NIMH research showed that the difference was not permanent, however, and as children with this gene grew up, the brain developed to a normal level of thickness. Their ADHD symptoms also improved.

Environmental factors. Studies suggest a potential link between cigarette smoking and alcohol use during pregnancy and ADHD in children. In addition, preschoolers who are exposed to high levels of lead, which can sometimes be found in plumbing fixtures or paint in old buildings, may have a higher risk of developing ADHD.

Brain injuries. Children who have suffered a brain injury may show some behaviors similar to those of ADHD. However, only a small percentage of children with ADHD have suffered a traumatic brain injury.

Before you go on, I wanted to include these to discredit some popular thoughts on what causes ADHD. I actually just read a really good article yesterday about diet and its relationship with ADHD. Diet can help in some cases, but taking away sugar and additives to treat ADHD hasn't been proven as effective. Nor has it been proven to be the cause. 

Sugar. The idea that refined sugar causes ADHD or makes symptoms worse is popular, but more research discounts this theory than supports it. In one study, researchers gave children foods containing either sugar or a sugar substitute every other day. The children who received sugar showed no different behavior or learning capabilities than those who received the sugar substitute. Another study in which children were given higher than average amounts of sugar or sugar substitutes showed similar results.

In another study, children who were considered sugar-sensitive by their mothers were given the sugar substitute aspartame, also known as Nutrasweet. Although all the children got aspartame, half their mothers were told their children were given sugar, and the other half were told their children were given aspartame. The mothers who thought their children had gotten sugar rated them as more hyperactive than the other children and were more critical of their behavior, compared to mothers who thought their children received aspartame. (I read this study, and it is pretty interesting what the placebo effect is and how it can effect your outlook.)

Food additives. Recent British research indicates a possible link between consumption of certain food additives like artificial colors or preservatives, and an increase in activity. Research is under way to confirm the findings and to learn more about how food additives may affect hyperactivity.

Ok, so I have included some science-y stuff about ADHD. Again the reason why I act I'm writing this, is because if you are with my son, and you see him "acting out", behaving in a way that you may not understand why, before you judge him, stop for a minute. What my son needs in his life right now is adults who love him, who have patience for him, who are willing to spend an extra minute to try and understand what he may be going through. Another thing with ADHD, it is often has other disorders that go along with it. Depression and Anxiety, Bipolar, Sensory Processing Disorder, Conduct Disorder, and well there are others. For my son, we are still in the stages of figuring everything out. There are a few that I think he may also have. And if he does, we try our best to help give him the tools he needs.

My son is in therapy. He has been for a few months now. It has mostly been to benefit me, as a parent. To learn ways to help him, to teach him. Medication wasn't on the top list of things to try, because my son is only 5, I was hoping we could hold out for a little while. However, that isn't what is best for my son. Now, why on earth am I telling you this? Again to promote understand. When my husband was growing up, he had people around him tell him that ADHD was all in his head. That there was nothing wrong with him and that he didn't need medication. He felt broken. I spend years, trying to convince him that nothing was wrong with him. ADHD doesn't make anyone a loser, stupid, or broken. He didn't start to feel better and more confident about himself till he started therapy a few years ago.  Individuals with ADHD have lower self-esteem, they are at a higher risk to self-medicate, to end up in legal trouble. I have seen an figure that stated, adolescent boys with ADHD have about a 33% higher risk of ending up in jail. Let me tell you how that figure scares me as a mom to two boys. The reason they are at a higher risk? Impulsive behavior. Acting before thinking.

There are people that I know, who don't agree with the fact I want my son in therapy, for as long as I can make him go.  There will always be something for us to learn. My son, will have to be taught social cues, as it is harder for children with ADHD to pick up those on their own. Medication, is the number one, most effective way to "treat" ADHD. My purpose here on this earth is to protect, nurture, care for, teach, and guide my family. Sometimes I have 3 boys. But I want everyone reading this right now to know something. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER, take ADHD away from my boys. Sounds mean and delusional right? I love my husband for who he is. ADHD, is a part of him. I love my son for who he is. ADHD is also a part of him. They are ADHD, but ADHD is not who they are. And I firmly believe that. I will write a post here soon, bragging and stepping on a high horse to tell the world about the greatness of my family. I think that is what we should focus on, each of our greatness. We all have it in us. But I wanted to take a minute (or 30) to help you be aware of what we as a family face. Why some days are better than others. Why we may skip out on an activity. Why we may avoid certain situations. 

We are a happy, loving, strong and united family. I love my family, more than anything else on this earth. We all have our struggles. I think it would be wonderful if we could show patience, love and a willingness to understand each other. It would ease a lot of burdens, prevent a lot of pain and it really would make for a better world. I really do hope that this made sense, that it helped someone understand ADHD just a little better. I really only just scratched the surface with this post. And I am sure that I will at some point write more. I have pretty  much made it my mission to better understand ADHD. If anyone has questions, please don't hesitate to ask. Asking leads to understanding. And understanding leads to compassion. 

Thanks for taking the time to read this! Really I do appreciate it. 

Randomness

  I have been writing this post in my head for a while. And now that I am sitting in front of the computer all of it is gone. Bye Bye thoughts. I want to write a post about ADHD, what it is, what it means, and how it affects my family. But I don't think that will happen today. So I think instead I am going to express my gratitude for my Heavenly Father.
   I know that my Heavenly Father hears my prayers. I have been struggling in the attitude department lately. And I have just felt that we have had not one trial, not two but a 100. (OK maybe not 100 but you get the idea) I wanted just some relief, some of those to go away. This past week, I have felt the windows of Heaven open for me. I haven't seen an Angel, none of my struggles have gone away, but I have seen the Lord's hand in my life a lot lately. And it has been the little things. They have been tiniest of things that if I wasn't looking I would have never realized that it was from the Lord. I have gained an absolute knowledge that my Heavenly Father loves me. He wants me to be happy. He wants to bless me and my family. I have gained a new perspective and an understand of how important patience is in life. ( I was not born with the gift of patience...like zero of it.) I have learned that sometimes watching a child struggle, is more of a trial for the parent than the child. I have learned that being a parent you must be willing to learn from your children, in a more indirect way. (don't let my 5 yr old know I said we have to learn from our kids...it might go to his head) I have also realized that parenting is hard...like really hard. And it is really really really hard when your child sees, and reacts to the world differently. To pray and ask for guidance from the only being who knows the child inside and out. And to have faith that you will receive answers. It has been a rough few weeks, but I feel like we are starting a really good path to help ease some struggles.
  I want you to know, dear reader, that you are never alone in your struggles. Sometimes it is hard to open up to someone about them. I know, really I do. However, I also how helpful it is to be able to talk. Talk about your fears, your struggles, your hopes, your random thoughts. There is always someone for you to turn to. Who will always, always listen. AND you can reach this person anytime, anywhere. Pray, to your Heavenly Father, to God. He will listen. And know, please know, that I am always here. You are never alone. We are all in this world, the good and the bad, together. We are brothers and sisters on this Earth, trying to make it. I think that together, we can all figure this life out.
 

We are who we are.

Ok, so I have been thinking about blogging for a while. I have needed a place where I can write the random thoughts that enter my mind, the stresses of our life, the trials we face. So here I am. My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years, we have been together for almost 9 years. We have a animated, joyful, smart and silly 5 year old boy. We just had a joyful baby boy 7 months ago. We love being together! We love spending time as a family. We play, we have our family shows, we play games, we laugh, we tell jokes and stories. We try to live our lives to the fullness. But in our home, we are faced each hour of every day with mental illness. (I really hate that word but I guess that is the correct term) My husband has ADHD, my son is being diagnosed with ADHD, and me, well I have issues myself. (anxiety, depression, pain, fatigue) So our life is pretty hectic. Calm, peaceful and organized are not words that is really used to describe our family life. We are loud, all over the place at times, high energy, some times difficult, fun, loving, and silly, very very silly. We are struggling I feel everyday. When one problem is solved, one or two spring up and surprise us. A good analogy is in the Disney movie Hercules, when Hercules is fighting that weird purple monster, where he cuts off one head and more grow in its place...yeah that describes our life. { Now, before I go on, I HAVE to say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my family. Each member. Just the way they are!}  I want to write this blog to get our story out there. So people can understand what we are going through, why we are doing what we are doing, and to gain a little insight into our lives. My life is not a perfect life. But my life is perfect for me.